I dream of it, I fantasize about it and yet it’s been something I have had not much of in a very long while. Who knew lesbian sex could make women question “If” they could even do it. The resounding answer from one time rookies that I’ve talked to is “YES!” I had one friend who I remember clearly saying “Well, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to go down on a woman.” That girl has had some very fun nights since then.
This Flow chart shows a fun way of what is and isn’t “sex.” But really, if it feels like sex, honey, you’re probably not gonna be staring at a flow chart to figure it out. It’s funny how self identified “straight girls” who play claim that lesbian sex is not sex at all. I guess because there’s no penis penetration. But really? If your boyfriend came home and said, “I have to tell you something… I did everything but put my penis inside her… ” would you say they didn’t have sex? To me, exactly how the toes curl, be it from fingers to tongue to penis… it’s sex. I would call that sex, because if he was doing that without my permission, I’d call it cheating.
I’ve been reading a lot about sexual fluidity and apparently women’s sexual attraction will fluctuate throughout their lives. Some, way more than others. Even lesbians may find later on that they are having attractions towards men. For some reason I find this comforting. Not because they are switching but because they are probably just as confused as I am. And let’s be honest, we never want to be alone in our misery. Especially in the beginning when you realize that your identity isn’t as solid as you once thought it was. I kind of equate it to becoming a teenager all over again. Here you are, coming to the realization that you are not exactly like everyone else and you feel awkward and alone. Your need to fit in is at odds with your need to realize your full identity. The breakthrough comes when you begin to accept the strange new creature that is you, social stigmas and all.
For me it came when I finally really came out to my husband. When I told him about my hot night with my coworker. I spilled most of the details but held back because I was still so leary about being completely honest. In retrospect I should have divulged it all, but now it’s not vital, so I will let it rest. He accepted the news with almost a zest. This probably isn’t how most husbands would handle it, but I am fortunate to have one that is very understanding. Now, I am completely open about my attraction, and as long as I’ve kept him happy it’s been a win-win and hopefully will continue to be.
For now I am searching for another FWB but so far no luck. I have a few friends who are at least bi, but it frightens me that I might spoil a good friendship just for sex, or lead someone on. So I wait. Testing the waters to see if I can make my own flowchart and see how far down I can go on it….