His anger


Angry Talk (Comic Style)

Angry Talk (Comic Style) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

According to Wikipedia, anger is an emotion related to one’s psychological interpretation of having been offended, wronged or denied and a tendency to undo that by retaliation. According to psychologists and sociologists it is healthy and natural to have anger as long as it is vented in a cathartic way as not to hurt yourself or others. I can see that, although I feel like inviting anger into your being is like inviting the devil in for tea. Neither ever wants to leave, instead it rather stay, fester and spread like some infectious disease. I have never liked the feeling of being angry, unless it is an overwhelming urge to vindicate a wrong, like yelling at someone to stop hurting an animal, but even then even as it simmers it starts eating away at my insides.

I have a fear that anger may have already infiltrated and infected my family. We are not violent or abusive nor we do I ever use hateful words towards my kids. My husband however has a pretty mean streak in spite of himself. If you met him, you’d think he is a pretty nice guy and for the most part, he is. But when he gets angry he has this poisonous anger that boils over. He’s not mean to me but he has no patience with our girls or our pets. It’s like since he is not accountable to them he feels it’s his authoritative right to be mean. I can’t stand it. Now I must confess that I also have begun to be the angry monster as well. It has infected me too and I hate it. I don’t want to growl at my children or lose my cool. I know it’s impossible to be the perfect parent all the time. No one is, but I’d rather error on the side of kindness than anger.
All I know is that a child grows when their hearts are tended to and loved. They bend and dissolve under the heavy hand of fear and anger. Their little hearts get harder and they end up growing into angry bitter people. Everything is clenched or closed under the shadow of fear. You cannot plant an idea or love into a place made of rock.
I hope that I can lead him away from his anger. I refuse to let it infect me as he was so very affected by his own alcoholic father. He has that seed of love in him and it gets watered by me but I fear he will never know how to tend his own garden. To find love in giving it. To find peace in a moment of frustration. He is not a bad man nor a violent one, but his anger is vein that runs deep and he has yet to cap it. I hope that one day he will find his peace. I hope my love can fill his angry heart and help to heal it. I hope that my distance does not rupture the safety he’s felt so far.

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3 thoughts on “His anger

  1. Oh Sweetheart. You are not in control of his anger – nor can you take the responsibility of moving him away from anger and towards love. Would that someone’s overwhelming love could turn someone in that way, but it cannot, and it is a very dangerous path to start down. Talk with him, love him, do what is in your power to do, but know that ultimately you must do what is right and best and good for you and your girls. You cannot put yourself in a place to hold him up as well.

  2. 1. One of the ways I define anger is “a godly response to injustice.”
    2. Remember the quote under my name on my blog–fear is the root of anger. If you want to heal the anger, help him overcome the fear that feeds it.

    • Yeah it is sometimes it’s a “Godly response to injustice,” but other times it’s a tantrum filled with stupidity… Which is fine, I think we are allowed our moments of shame and anger but when it involves the kids, it’s a different story.
      For him I think it’s primarily his fear is the loss of control. He cannot stand the fact that our girls do not fear him and his anger like he feels they should. I don’t think I’m here so much to “change” him as much as I am to teach him how to follow through without becoming the angry monster. I am making it more of a point to direct him in how to react when they don’t listen, so he doesn’t start having his own tantrum. So far it’s been working.

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