I love to eat. I find it comforting to stuff my face when I’m feeling down. Some people have vices such as drug addiction, alcohol abuse, self mutilation or issues with eating. I guess I’m fortunate in that my vice is not as life threatening as most. I do keep it in check for the most part. I’m a curvy girl but I am very active so if I eat one too many cookies it usually evens out. Well, except now that I’m getting older (sigh)now a few more pounds decide to stay.
We all suffer from our vices, usually we are punishing or quieting our inner voices that we desperately do not want to hear. “Shut up and have a cookie, don’t talk about that!” or “No, that really didn’t happen, have another drink and it will go away enough that you won’t care.” For those of us figuring out our sexuality, at any stage of life, we tend to look for those crutches instead dealing with our issue at hand. The other side to that is the stress associated with coming out as well. I want to stress that our vice IS NOT about being gay, our vice is the alcohol, drugs or other “stress reliever” we use to ignore the fact of who we are and the trouble we have with self-acceptance.
Life is like that, we cover our cuts up way before they get a chance to heal. Sometimes we don’t even bother addressing that we are wounded. We go on limping as if nothing had happened, further disabling ourselves in denial. The amazing thing is that we trick ourselves into believing that we are ok and that somehow we will miraculously cure ourselves with alcohol, eating or whatever. We are just so totally in control…NOT.
The problem is, alot of us are in need of help. Help to discover who we are, help to accept who we are, help to overcome our addictions, help to be free of the pain caused by others. It is out there. We do not need to be bullied. We need to be listened to and loved. If you need help because you are contemplating suicide, seek it immediately, it does get better. If you are still reading this and it is touching home in some way, either because you have a problem or a loved one does, reach out. There are hands to hold you up through your process. I thought I was above therapy, but now I go, because I know I needed someone to talk to. I need some help to keep me from going bonkers and it does help tremendously.
The point I am trying to make is that if you need help, it is out there. There are support groups and hotlines all waiting for someone to help. Sometimes making that one call or helping that one friend makes all the difference in the world. I know it has for me.
Suicide Prevention Hotline
1-800-273-TALK or Chat