How to tell your woman is a Lesbian

So…you think she might be leaning towards the rainbow huh? Honey, I don’t blame her. I’m heading that way myself. Please don’t beat yourself up about it. Take advantage of it till she drops your ass. You might even score a threesome if your lucky. Just understand that you both appreciate the same things, soft skin, soft lips and cleavage…so at least you’ll have some stuff in common as friends right?

1. She checks out chicks with you.

Yes, you might think it’s cool, but honey, she’s not doing it for you.

2. She wears nicer clothes to go out with her girlfriends than with you.

If at home, she is sporting sweatpants, sportsbra and a huge sweatshirt and then dons heels and hooker get-up to hang out with the girls…watch out! She’s hoping to score a drunk kiss or more… Just sayin

3. She gets drunk before sex…all the time

You can’t say no to this cause you KNOW you are gonna get some if she’s sipping her rum and coke but it’s usually so she can put up with your grunts and boob squeezes. If she’s a bit buzzed she might be able to imagine real hard that you aren’t her fuzzy lover but some smooth Jessica Biel look-a-like. (Trust me, it takes more than a few to get to THAT point.)

4. She can’t miss the Renaissance festivals

Boobs are everywhere there! Everyone is flirty and it’s all about fantasy…Nuff said

5. She’s tired and you’re sleeping

She sneaks into bed after you finally fall asleep so she doesn’t have to prove how much she’s into you. If she happens to wake you up, she stays as quiet as she can and doesn’t move until you fall asleep again. She is also usually as clothed as she possibly can be without dying of heat exhaustion under the covers.

6. She’s recently  gotten a Rosie the Riveter tattooed on her arm

lesbian rosie the riveter

7. She drives a bigger truck than you

Or a bigger vehicle, or she drives a big rig for a living or operates heavy machinery. She may not even know that she’s a lesbian yet, but she is.

8. She makes you shave waaaay more than your comfortable with.

Do I have to explain this?

9. She flirts with the waitress more than you do.

You think she’s just being nice, but really that hot chick who just left your table is wondering why your lady friend is fawning over her so hard.

10. And Finally… She’s convinced you that you should have a threesome

Again, dude, she really isn’t doing this for you. You’ll kinda be like Susan Lucci at the Emmy’s, just cause you were invited doesn’t mean you’re gonna get anything.


Add yours →

  1. Love this!

  2. The Susan Lucci comment killed me. What a riot!!

  3. 1,3,5,9 — guilty!

  4. So my wife has recently come out as a lesbian. Thankfully she doesn’t have a tattoo (#6), she’s not into Renaissance Festivals (#4), she hardly drinks anymore (#3) but we don’t have sex if at all, she does drive a bigger car than I do but it’s not a truck (#7), and she doesn’t make me shave at all (#8).

    She does encourage me to check out chicks with her (#1) which I’m not too comfortable with, she does hit on the waitresses (#9) and she does dress up for dates with her lover (#2)

    Finally, she is not at all interested in having a threesome between her, her lover and me (#10). When I asked her what I can do for sex other than using the hand, she encourage me to get a boyfriend.

    • First, I’m sorry that your wife and you are going through that, it’s a tough road. Secondly, these are really just more to poke fun at a situation that is otherwise rather difficult. I need to find humor in EVERYTHING, especially situations where I can hardly function because my emotions are too overwhelmed. I hope that you both find humor and strength even through your turmoil and keep each other in your hearts as you make tough decisions. It may not be easy but if you love each other, you will both be working towards a better end. I would not want my husband to love me without all of what he is loving. I do not want to pretend to be something I am not. Our friendship and relationship has grown stronger in such a strange place. I hope yours grows too, in spite of this obstacle.

    • Ps. Tell her that you are still a person with feelings. You have every right to claim your own (hetero)sexuality as well. If my h was too upset at me having a girl friend, I would insist on him finding his own.

    • Time to kick that heifer to the curb. She obviously cares nothing about you’re needs. She came out and I assume you’re planning on staying with her and letting her have a lover. At least she could do is play with your penis on occasion!

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