So I get to go visit my best friend a few hours away from where I live. Road trip! I will be getting to test the waters of who I truly am, so to speak and I’m sooo excited. I feel that as long as I maintain who I am to the core, I will come out a bit changed (or actually more true to who I am) and pointing in a new direction. There will be a supermoon, meteor showers, gay bars and new tattoos on my horizon and I’m heading there full force.
Why am I not scared? Why is it that I have no feelings of guilt? I think it’s because I gave myself permission to let go of the guilt a few months back. Guilt and concern for what others thought kept me in the closet for so long and I’m tired of it. I told my husband that I was bi, no actually I said “I’m kinda on the other side of bi.”He then gave me permission to have a girlfriend but then he acted a bit worried about it, so I reassured him the only way you can reassure a man of his manliness. I think he may have even forgotten our conversation, who knows. I just know that I need to be who I am and not be scared of the future, whatever that might look like.
So tomorrow I will be on the road, traveling to a destination that will help me uncover possibilities. I am daring to dream, daring to look past play dates and doctor appointments and into the future of who I want to be. I hope that I will find clarity or something that speaks loud enough to me that I will pay attention. I am starting to see the woman I want to become and I’m liking this possible dream, and no longer just”wishing” it true, but creating her with my bare hands and hungry heart. I am finally lining up with my self and it feels amazing.
* I found this pendant for sale on Etsy in the Etsy shop ArtByHeather