My friend’s story


This is a letter from my friend after I asked her permission to post her story on my blog. I sometimes wish she could read my blog, but as she writes, it’s my diary in the sky, so that’s where it will stay. I hope in writing her story it helped her to come to terms with it.

It happened to ME…

 

So as you all know…my dear friend has a blog.  This blog.  I haven’t ever read it in its entirety, but I don’t need to.  She shares everything with me that she wants me to know. The rest is her beautiful diary in the sky.  However, she did tell me what she most recently wrote.  She wrote about what happened… what happened to ME.  OMG that sounds awful.  It sounds way too real.  Look, I can’t even write it.  Write the words. . . Should I call it “date” rape because it sounds better?  I guess it doesn’t really matter because in the end it is RAPE!!!! Holy SHIT, I did it, I said it out loud not to you, but to myself.  Breathe girl breathe.  I got this.  Remember who you are, who you have always been.  One baby step at a time.

                               

Yes I am in pain.  Yes I feel like I am drowning.  Yes I feel alone.  Yes I feel oh so dirty and no longer beautiful or loveable.  And Yes, I still think could some of this be my fault?  I thank God for my beautiful friends who remind me NO, hell NO… it is not your fault!  Thus, I try to tell that to myself when it is quiet and no one is around to remind me.  Most days… I am OK.  Well, at least part of most days.  However, I do still wear the mask that says, “I am good”.  You know… the mask most people want to see/hear.  I often hear the words, “oh thanks for asking, I am good how are you?” flow so easily from my lips.  Yet everything inside me is screaming… “I am a freaking wreck lately because a complete jerk decided he wanted his way and raped me!”  Can you imagine how that would go over with your local barista?  Even to my close friends, I innocently text back, “I am ok, How are you?”  Or, “having a rough day”…. This statement in itself is oh so true, but how rough you have no idea.  Or maybe you do because this has also happened to you?!  Like my lovely friend who writes this blog. She gets me, because “it” or something like “it” happened to her.  The only difference is thank God she has healed. She has such a beautiful spirit of hope and seeing the good in life. Her ideology of recovery inspires me.  With her lead/guide and so many others who have walked this road, my time of grace and wellness will come.  I too can be happy, healthy and whole.  One day…

 

I am a person of integrity, of noble character.  Perhaps some would even describe me as square, innocent, or pure.  I have a heart and soul that simply desires to help others.  In fact my profession is based off this.  I feel it is my calling to help OTHERS heal and guess what?  I am damn good at it!  So how ironic it is that sweet little me, is the one who got herself in such a horrible position in need of healing.  Did you read that last sentence?  I just did again. Here I am again taking responsibility for what happened.  Say it Girl… say it like my therapist did.  Say it like my doctor did.  Even like my best friends did.  You Got RAPED!  I got RAPED.  Healing has begun…

 

So as I share a bit of my story I encourage you to fully check out this blog for my girl tells me that she has provided you all with some great resources to seek help.  Help of all kinds.  Don’t be afraid, because we are in this hell hole together and we will find our way out TOGETHER!!! 

 

Holy shit… it happened to ME!!!  Has it happened to YOU? 

About the post

Noteworthy, References, Self Discovery

2 Comments

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  1. Wow, what an extraordinarily strong woman! Reading this was so very inspiring so thank you to her for writing this, and to you for sharing it. I pray that she stays strong and heals well.

  2. Ruth had been date raped a few years before we met. He didn’t use drugs or physical force; he just used psychology. He made her feel like she only derived value or self-worth through him. She was an eighteen-year-old virgin, and she was convinced that if he wanted to have sex with her this badly that he was going to marry her. After a few months of getting what he had been demanding, he left her. Five years later, when she was married to me, she still had flashbacks when we were being intimate. I had to be extremely careful about the way I talked about sex (easier not to mention it at all), and in the way I approached her about doing it (eventually easier to wait for her to come to me, however infrequently). I had to be careful about what I tried to do in bed, what color sheets we used, and even what brand of soap I washed with (when we first got together, I used the same soap that he did). He absolutely destroyed her confidence and peace. She still felt guilty for what had happened, and that sense of guilt kept her from enjoying having sex with me, her husband, later on. Date rape doesn’t just affect the woman involved; it could also destroy the confidence and peace of the men (or women) she’s with in the future.

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