I was laying in bed and asked my husband if I seriously could have a “girlfriend.” He said that it sounded cool in theory but wasn’t sure how well it would work out. I’m not sure about it either. I just know that I am pent up and have never felt this level of frustration, as I’ve always had a pretty phenomenal sex life, but as my eyes have opened to what truly attracts me, my body is now rejecting what doesn’t. I feel pretty confused. I know what I want and am craving it like a freaking teenager yet I am not really wanting a girlfriend or anyone for that matter to muddy up my already crazy life. I wouldn’t want to invite someone into such a mess. I just know that the axis of my life has changed and all has shifted. He knows it. I know it. This might be a baby step, but I feel the next step might be a leap…
He said I could do whatever, and that I would know what would be appropriate. That having a girlfriend would be ok, as long as she didn’t interfere with our lives in any profound way. What’s that suppose to mean? If I held her down and devoured her, would that be appropriate? If I just let her rock my world and not touched her, would that be ok? Do I just not tell him? Go find someone and quietly lust after them in my free time? And then go back to him? To find how much less I am attracted to men? Perhaps that’s my biggest fear through all of this. Once I go down that carnal road, is there a place to make a U-turn? What if I don’t want to turn back? I have a pretty good notion I wouldn’t want to. I have a hard time just driving home.
So where do I go from here?
- Sexual Satisfaction Equates to Overall Well Being for Women (joyofspa.com)
- How Fifty Shades Of Grey is transforming Brits’ relationships (thesun.co.uk)