Dearest Reader


Someone asked me what the point of my blog was. Do I give people advice on how to come out to their spouses or their kids? Do I sway women to come out or stay closeted. Do I offer ways to come out? The answer is no. I have come out to my husband to a certain degree, but it is more of a process than anything. My children have no idea, because 1. they are too young and 2. nothing is changing as of yet, so why go there? I am not a therapist or a psychologist. I don’t know your story, I only know mine.

I guess the point of my blog is to be the voice for those of us who aren’t ready to open up and admit either to themselves, to their loved ones or to the world about who they truly are. It’s for the people too afraid, just coming to terms with, dealing with or very out about their sexuality and how it has affected their life. But why stop there? I guess it can be a tool for husbands who need insight into what is going on in their wife’s life. It is a friend to those who finally realize they are not perfect and guess what, they don’t have to be. I’m certainly not. I cry in the shower. I forget to follow the rules. I miss appointments. I laugh at funerals in lieu of crying. I scream at the car in front of me when he rides his brakes. I yell at my kids and say inappropriate things almost in spite of myself. We all are imperfect and I guess this blog is really about celebrating that. About being the raw true selves we need to be and admit that it’s ok.

It’s ok to freak out a bit. It’s ok to like girls or guys or both. You are still a good person. You will still be loved. Life will go on. The sun will still shine tomorrow. My blog will still be here. I hope. Things do get better and to steal a line from AA, take one day at a time.  Take baby steps to becoming the true you. I know I am and I feel so much better than I did a year ago.

I don’t know what my life will be a year from now, but I know that as long as I live each day to the fullest and to honor myself every day, that it can only get better. I hope that you too can find more love to give yourself and see the doors opening before you to brighter things. Doors can be open but nothing gets you to the other side except that first step. Take it. I dare you.

Love,
Amanda

In a world where you can be anything, being yourself is the best place to start.

5 Comments

Add yours →

  1. ‘Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.’ ~Oscar Wilde~

    Questioning the purpose of your blog is a bit stupid because then you’d have to question why a lot of people write blogs and the reasons are as different and many as the people who write them.
    I hope you’ll still be blogging in a year so I can see how your journey is going. Oh, and good luck to you 🙂

  2. Thanks Wilhemina! Yeah, well I was trying to reach women who are going through this and a man asked me why I was writing it. Why do they always think we have to do something FOR them. This is just for me, really. My selfish ranting and self love and whatever, but I felt I wanted to clarify why for myself. Thank you for reading and I hope I’m still doing this in a year, it’s super cathartic and I get to meet great people like you!

  3. Someone mentioned your blog on Askjoanne so I came to take a peek. Going out in a few so I only read a few entries but I was struck in particular by the letter to your younger self. I could have written that, right down to the gay aunt and the best friend at my wedding. I so appreciate that you and others have taken the time to put your thoughts down…so that others of us can see this is maybe not as lonely a place as it sometimes seems. There are lots of us, and we’ll make it through…though right now this seems an impossibly thorny path to walk, for me anyway. Thanks again, Blazing Star

    • Thank you for reading my blog. If you have any suggestions or stories you might like to share, please let me know. It was lonely until I found friends who were or are going through the same thing. Now I feel stronger and a bit braver. I hope we can help each other through the thorns.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: