Top 10 excuses to give your partner when you don’t want sex

10. “I’m itching and I don’t know why.”

9. “I forgot to shave down there and now it’s a tangled mess. I need to go get some detangler, a comb and some Nair before we do anything.”

8. “Ooooh goody! The Olympics are on!”

7. “I just pictured Steve Buscemi and Joan Rivers doing it and now I won’t be able to bring myself to have sex for at least 2 weeks.”

6. “I just ate some gahhhhhlic toast and I don’t want you to pass out from my obnoxious breath.”

5. “I feel so fat. Just look at me! What do you mean I’m big boned? Do you think I’m fat?” and then start crying…

4. “I miss Mr. Whiskers, he was such a good cat.” again, start crying

3. “I’ve got the WORST cramps in the world!” and then go into gory detail about the menstrual cycle or if you’re a guy, describe something you did that was completely insensitive or tell her she’s getting a little too fluffy.

2. “Just let me (pretend to) finish this Harry Potter series….”

1. “I think I’m gay….no… really”


Add yours →

  1. I used to leave my tampon boxes sitting out DAYS after I was finished with them each month, to buy time…

  2. My wife used to pull number three all the time, and then wonder why I didn’t seem interested in sex. Migraines are a helpful variation on that.

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