I pine to be with a woman. My hips writhe in anticipation of my next encounter. How can someone be so entirely consumed by something? It isn’t as if I have a bad sex life, quite the contrary, but it’s missing that curve appeal. I had a taste and I want some more dammit. My body is tense and on edge as my eyes fall on beautiful women everywhere. I am innately aware of their soft breasts lifting their summer shirts and the peekaboo of skin as the curve of her back gets exposed while she bends to reach something. I close my eyes and imagine those small soft hands touching my skin or the scent of her hair as it brushes by me. I am a bloodhound of senses as my body awakens to it’s desires. It’s as if I had taken some pill that puts every part of me on edge. The night has come and the full moon is shining down on me. My thirst has not been quenched.
The hard part is that the last encounter I had was such a beautiful success at the moment but such a hot mess after the fact. It had little to do with the me and the woman involved aside from the fact that her husband apparently wasn’t as ok with her curiosity as she had thought. Oh well. It was fun. But now I am again sitting here, alone, waiting for someone to play with. A friend. A confidant. A sexual deviant like myself. Why is that so hard? I just want to please her, make her toes curl as I try my best to find every spot on her body that makes her shudder. I am hoping that this does not last long and I find her.
I am trying not to be too much of an instigator. I want it to be someone who is independent of another persons pull, like myself. I respect my husband, but I own my actions and do what I need to to be true to myself. I would like someone who is confident enough that if they too are exploring, they do not sit firmly under someone else’s thumb. It is impossible to have a true friendship let alone anything else that way. I want a deep friendship where it is more than sex, but it isn’t something where I have to worry about the “Decide between the two of us” moments. I never intend on leaving my husband for someone else, unless that someone else is me. Honestly, the only reason I’d leave him is if I just cannot tolerate my sexual frustration and our marital issues any longer. The “grass is greener” viewpoint usually is followed by Murphy’s law/ Karma. I know that the overall of a fun and loving lesbian relationship does trump that of a shitty heterosexual one, but I am not willing to take that chance. Not yet any way, especially when my relationship hasn’t been very shitty. Moments of shitty, yes, but in it’s entirety, no. All relationships have bad parts though, but mine is mainly decent. That still doesn’t keep me from wanting to
fuck, make love to, ravage, sleep with a woman….
- A friend, A blog, and A handful of Sexual Frustration Feelings (mysukasuka.wordpress.com)
- Cunnilingus is a right, not a privilege (swinglifestyleblog.wordpress.com)