I love you. I have loved you like no other has before. You showed me a love in return that fills my heart in so many ways. I hate that my eyes wander and I feel lost sometimes. I hate that my body yearns for things you want to give me but cannot. I know that you love me and you want nothing for me to be happy but I also know that you resent the fact that there is a part of me that you cannot be a part of.
The thing is… There are many parts of me that are mine alone. I am sorry if this hurts you. I think men and women are different in this way. I cannot be just yours. I cannot revolve my life entirely around you and with how I feel, it cannot change just because I love you. It’s deeper than that. It’s an integral part of who I am. Changing who I am does nothing to help you but only furthers us from real love and understanding. You do not want to love the shadow of who I am as much as I want to pretend to be something I am not. It will only rob us both of a genuine love based on truth. I love you deep down because you are so real and raw with me. There is no facade. I want to give you the same but I can’t. You deserve the same. If it tears at the foundation of who we are, so be it. We are strong and will find our ways together and also internally struggle as well but that is what makes us human. That is what makes us real. I know that in the end, married or not, I have a friend and a partner in you. You are someone I will eternally love and trust because you do not hold me with a clenched fist. You keep me with an open heart and that is probably the biggest reason why I haven’t left yet.
We have our issues, but they are just part of the whole picture. Half of me thinks I can somehow make it all work