I feel sick. I want to throw up. Utterly nauseous… I call and talk to my sister and can feel her pain from so far away. She cannot even discuss her sadness because it chokes her before her words can be formed. She paints her facade, but it’s so brittle and transparent, even small talk shatters it with mentions of certain things. She is so fragile and broken and all I can do is be a warm body posing as “support”. I cannot fix it. If I get too close she recoils. She lashes out or cowers in fear.
I am a mess. I am sick. I feel her pain rob my heart of its warmth and all I can do is stand there as it goes cold again.

About the post

mental health, Self Discovery


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  1. It is good that she has you to be support for her. I know you want to do more for her. Sorry you are both suffer. Hugs.

  2. I’m sorry to hear about your sister. I know what it is to feel helpless. But I hope you remember that you can’t fully be there if you’re a wreck yourself. Take care of yourself okay? You deserve to be pampered. Make yourself some tea, eat some fruit and just breathe.

    • Thank you. I’m trying to take care of myself. I’m hoping this week will be much easier on me. I don’t have nearly as much going on because of the holiday. Wish I could go up and visit her….

      • You could send her a care package (include things she loves?). My sister stays 4500 miles away from me and sometimes we have a silly Skype chat. Sometimes you just need to see each other and know the other is there, no matter what. Big hugs. You will get through this.

      • That’s a great idea. I’m so pitiful when it actually comes to shipping the packages. It’s kinda pathetic but this time I will set a goal date and get it out before the flurry of Christmas mail bogs it down. Thanks.

  3. I’m sorry that listening is hard, but please keep doing it. There are some things I just can’t talk about right now because no one will hear me.

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