My husband never plans for Christmas. He notoriously waits every year till the eleventh hour to shop. This year was no different except our bank emptied before he could make his run. Not that I made many purchases for him, I still had several small gifts that were thoughtful. As I came home with the last few dollars spent on our kids, he confessed to not having bought a thing, still not understanding how little we had in the bank. I give the obligatory “it’s ok” speech and tell him to wait till our payday came again.
Christmas was a fog for me that I could not enjoy. I felt lost as my kids opened every present appreciatively as I nodded. He looked on having no clue what each gift was as he had not wrapped nor bought a single thing. I knew that I wasn’t getting anything yet my heart squeezed out a small wish, hoping that he had at least one hidden stocking stuffer or something…
It didn’t happen. I didn’t comprehend a Christmas without gifts. I was never a person who needed big ticket items for it to count. Homemade soaps and coffee top my list of must- haves, not iPads and expensive jewelry.
I felt betrayed. I know I gave him an out and he took it, but he had ALL YEAR. ALL YEAR!!?!
My sister is grieving the loss of an ex-husband that passed away 2 years ago from suicide. He was a passive aggressive man who was moderately verbally abusive to her. She was constantly cheating on him. They divorced and then a year later he took his life.
Her loss weighs so heavy on her even though they were terrible to and for each other. It makes me wonder, would it have been better if they stayed together in misery? How do you ever know if it is the end and how do you keep from claiming all the fault if you are the only one who is unhappy while the other is complacent?
I try to love his efforts, whatever they are but in my heart I feel like I will never be happy in a place where I am an afterthought in so many ways. I find myself cheating my children of attention because he is lazy in his. He is such a great friend in so many wAys yet has no clue how to be a partner.