12 step Program for Coming Out

I wrote this  a few years ago with the intention to help people who are struggling with their sexual identity. I hadn’t read it since then but I just came upon it and felt it is even more important in my journey now than it was then. I’m on 4…. still but I also have done the rest as well. 4 seems to trip me up. I forget myself when it comes to needs. I’m a people pleaser extraordinaire.
I based it loosely on the 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous. This list wasn’t written by a professional in the psychological field but I think it represents a good path towards self acceptance and forgiveness.

1. Admit that you are powerless over your attraction towards the same-sex. Come to terms with the fact that your world will change in light of this.

2. Find a resource such as a good therapist or friend to help come to terms with your sexuality.

3. Understand and accept that you are responsible only for your actions, not your preferences.

4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of your needs and desires.

5. Come out to self, first and foremost and then to friends and family.

6. Forgive yourself for any real and perceived flaws.

7. Forgive and send love to those who cannot come to terms with your “new” self.

8. Understand that not all those that you come out to will be accepting.

9. Come out further on an as-needed-basis to those in your life, past and present.

10. Make direct amends to people wherever possible when you know your truth came too late and in the process, hurt them.

11. Continue to teach acceptance and love through your own actions.

12. Reach out to those who may be going through the same thing or someone affected by a loved one going through the coming out process. Help guide them through the process with love and safety.


I hope this helps you on your way to coming out or figuring out where you are. I know looking at it now has changed my perspective a bit.


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